Why I Won’t.

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I will not quit because maybe not, but maybe yes. I will not quit because I will listen to the microscopic cell that tells me maybe there’s a reason I’m here. I will not quit because I have tried so hard. I will not quit because friends. I will not quit because of the golden hour in the afternoon. I will not quit because stubbornness. I will not quit because if I don’t, I will, in a way, be stronger than the Roman Empire, and that’s pretty cool. I will not quit because everyday, I forge out of steel my standards, values, and ideals to leave this world a better place than I met it. I will not quit because sometimes clichés aren’t just clichés because they’re true, but also because repetitions means practice means tenacity means the will not to quit. I will not quit because when I want to quit, a fragment voice still reminds me of grammar rules, and I can’t quit while being aware of grammar. I will not quit because language is beautiful. I will not quit there are more things that connect than fracture relationships. I will not quit because of otters. I will not quit because Snape didn’t just die for a cause, he died accepting that others’ opinion of him didn’t pale in contrast with what he could actually accomplish. I will not quit because I have friends like Dobby and Hermione and Lupin, who know why those would be the characters I name. I will not quit because I believe in pretty fucked-up, pretty things. I will not quit, because this is not trying to be poetic, but trying to find an anchor in words to stay alive a little longer. I will not quit because words are powerful. I will not quit because words can mock and kill and joke and redeem and challenge and reach, and I choose to reach and communicate love. I will not quit because I refuse to defend love. I will not quit because love needs no defense. I will not quit because giving over over over over is worth it. I will not quit because hobbits and smoke rings. I will not quit because of concerts in the park. I will not quit because even if it doesn’t get better, the choice to try again anyway is worth it, even if just for tonight.

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One thought on “Why I Won’t.

  1. Read your post in pantsuit nation, so I started reading your blog. After reading your recent posts, I got to this post. Your writing is just beautiful. If the post means what I think it does, please know that your newest reader is a therapist. And this therapist wants you to know that your writing breaks my heart in its rawness and truth. Depression is a monster that often needs a valiant fight. One that you seem to be winning. Keep fighting! I’m here for you as a new friend and anonymous therapist if you need one (I hope you have one). Find me on Facebook as Naomi Weinschel Cohn if you like.

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